Saturday, August 30, 2003

HIP TO THE LINGO UPDATE

Last night I was at various places on Pittsburgh's Southside. During the course of the night I took it upon myself, as a wanna-be journalist, to find out the new lingo making the rounds this school year. Here is what I learned, use them at parties and more people will like you.

TC: If you are talking to a girl who is stuck up, you can retreat back to your buddies and say that girl was "TC" or "Too Cool." I prefer saying, "that girl was crazy TC." You can also say this to your buddies when you meet a nice girl who realizes she can do better than you.

Skitzin: This word is used when you're at a party and you are freaking out. You might be skitzin for a number of reasons:

A) You're not in a comfortable environment because of the atmosphere or because you don't know many people.
B) The cops are there.
C) If you're a guy and there are only guys at the party.
D) The beer has run out.

WHAT? (in a deep voice): You can say this when someone says something very disturbing such as, "I'm going to goto the bathroom on the floor."

Twerking: When you're talking to a guy or girl and there is obvious interest. You are "twerking" it. If you "twerk" it too much, your "twerk-o-meter" will break and you'll be forced to buy a new one.

"For Real" has been changed to "reals."

Finally, all swear words are apparently still cool to say. But please, use accordingly.

• posted by Dave at 3:33 PM
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CALL THE DATING SERVICE

Guys, just another friendly reminder to stay away from girls.

• posted by Dave at 2:29 PM
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OUCH

Guys, just another friendly reminder to, stay away from girls.

• posted by Dave at 2:29 PM
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GOT STRIPPERS?

Who knew that the strip club was such a nutritious place?

• posted by Dave at 2:24 AM
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THE BEATLES NEVER HAD TO KISS THE ROLLING STONES

If you never had much talent to begin with but are an attractive girl, kiss another girl in the same situation. This will clearly gain everyone's respect for you and your musical talents will finally be recognized.

• posted by Dave at 2:20 AM
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A NEW RECREATIONAL DRUNKEN ACTIVITY BESIDES PUKING

When you are drunk what are you more likely to do?

A. Pass out.
B. Make out with a humor columnist.
C. Scale the Mon Incline.

• posted by Dave at 6:21 PM
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WORDS OF WISDOM

A couple days ago I was near the bar area at the Country Club I work at. An older man smiled and said to me, "It's good to be alive! Because the other option is pretty grim."

He is a very smart man, who was obviously toasted.

• posted by Dave at 5:21 PM
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THE NEXT TIME YOU FIGHT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, SOMEBODY MIGHT NEED A WIG

I got my haircut today but it was a scary one. Just as my barber began cutting my hair his cell phone rang. On the other end was his girlfriend. They began fighting and she hung up on him. He was not happy. With all of this on his mind, it was then time for him to pick up scissors and cut my hair. Yay! She called back seconds later, but he opted to turn his phone off and throw it into a cabinet rather than answer.

Thankfully, my head was not shaved.

• posted by Dave at 5:19 PM
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IT'S BLACK, IT'S WHITE

Too bad God didn't think of this. The racism problem would be solved.

• posted by Dave at 3:33 PM
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WRITE THIS IN YOUR DIARY

The next time you get shot at make sure you have a pack of cigarettes, a diary and a pencil on you.

It also helps if you have a cool name like Jose Villalobos.

• posted by Dave at 11:54 AM
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NEW DESIGN

As you already know, I changed the design of my davidjakielo.com/columns website. This Blog is on a different server than the website so it took some additional work for the Blog to reflect the new design. Everything seem to be working properly.

With school starting back up, expect more regular updates to the Blog. Please do not get so excited that you go out and spit crickets.

• posted by Dave at 11:47 AM
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NOTE TO DUQUESNE STUDENTS

With today being the first day of classes, some of you might notice me on campus and see that I'm wearing a rather girly, white and tan yarn bracelet. Let me explain...

At the Country Club I worked at this summer, little girls who are members had their own bracelet business. I ordered my bracelet months ago to support them but only recently got it. It cost me $3 and there was a 5 cent tax, which is money I doubt the government will ever see. The bracelet will be gone once I stop working there around Labor day.

So if you see me with the bracelet, don't turn to your friend and say, "I think there is something a little funny about that Dave guy." Thank you.

• posted by Dave at 2:17 AM
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BECOMING ONE WITH NATURE

I spent last night and most of today far away in the country. When people think of the country they think of a peaceful get-away. For the most part this is true, however, during the day I took a nature walk and this was far from peaceful.

Walking along a trail I noticed a couple of bones. I thought Ha-ha! What a whacky place the country is! Then walking back down the trail I noticed TONS of bones, pieces of skull, teeth, and a perfect skeleton of a small animal's spinal cord. I am not making any of this up.

This was very disturbing. I learned that you should never trust a place that doesn't have normal drinking water. Avoid the country and Mexico.

• posted by Dave at 2:18 AM
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RED WATER

Tonight I watched the made for TBS movie, Red Water. The movie tried to be Jaws. It was, not good. It would be like if the movie Jesus of Nazareth was re-casted and Carrot Top played the role of Jesus Christ.

The only plus was Jaws ate a dog, which was sad, whereas the shark in Red Water ate Coolio, which is super.

• posted by Dave at 3:12 AM
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COLUMN UPDATE

My first column of the new school year is already due Tuesday. I also have been working on a brand new website design which I think is much more attractive than the current design. A couple columns are already written.

It should be a good year. If there is something you would like me to write about, please contact me.

• posted by Dave at 1:41 PM
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ONCE UPON A MATTRESS

For the past 6 years I have performed in a summer musical. Last year we performed Grease and I hosted a half-hour pre-show, played the role of D.J. Vince Fontaine and had another role as Teen Angel, where I looked like Elvis and people actually sat and listened to me sing an entire song.

Ironically enough, this year the director decided to go a different route with my "talent" and gave me the part of a mute King. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Anyway, the show is Once Upon A Mattress. If you live in the Pittsburgh area I encourage you to come see it tonight, Fri., and Sat., at Our Lady of Victory in Scott Twp., 8pm. You can e-mail me for details. I'll try to be funny and give a good performance but I can't promise anything.

I also was told 6 days ago to let my beard grow. I look pretty gross but I give off that rugged look, which is something every girl should look for in a man.

For more information on the show, check out this newspaper column featuring quotes from me, by clicking here.

• posted by Dave at 1:37 PM
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GREAT CONCERT

The Bruce Springsteen & The E Street band concert from Wednesday night in Pittsburgh is probably the best show I've ever seen.

One of those magical nights where everything just sorta clicked. Great weather, the city of Pittsburgh as a backdrop, awesome music, and everyone around me was on a natural high from it all. I have my probems, everyone around me had their own too, but for one night, Bruce let us forget about our problems and everyone sang together and slapped hands with the people around them. It was special. One older lady even gave me a dollar to take my shirt off (Others probably wanted to give me an extra dollar to put it back on).

Thanks Boss. For evereyone who is not familiar with Springsteen check out his latest CD The Rising or the Live From New York DVD.

• posted by Dave at 12:36 AM
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THE BOSS

Tonight I'm going to a Bruce Springsteen concert at PNC Park in Pittsburgh. Recently I've really gotten into Bruce. Behind the typical songs you'll hear of his such as Born in the U.S.A., there is a huge library of great songs by Springsteen and the E Street Band. Details of the concert to come later. Here now, is a list of concerts I've attended over the years, in order from Best to Worst show.

Guns N' Roses, (2002)
Billy Joel & Elton John, (2003)
Bon Jovi, (saw them twice in 2003)
Dave Matthews Band, (2003)
New Kids On The Block, I was little and had to go along with sister, all her friends, and parents, DON'T JUDGE ME!
The Clarks, (2001)
Reel Big Fish, (1999)

• posted by Dave at 3:35 PM
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SAVED BY THE BELL HAS A NEW MEANING

Here's a story on Mario Lopez (A.C. Slater) and boxing. Later this year it will probably win a Pulitzer Prize.

Click here to read the story.

• posted by Dave at 6:27 PM
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HAWAII VACATION

I went to Hawaii for vacation a couple weeks ago. I'll write about the trip in future columns, until then, here is a picture that best sums up the trip:

• posted by Dave at 12:10 AM
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