Tuesday, March 30, 2004

PREDICTION

Fashion Team will defeat The F***ers to win the World Gay Football Championship.

• posted by Dave at 1:43 AM
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ANOTHER NORMAL AMERICAN FAMILY

Our forefathers would be proud.

• posted by Dave at 12:33 AM
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MAJOR CHANGE?

I should have went to school to become an investigator.

• posted by Dave at 2:48 PM
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NEW FEATURE

I've added the ability for readers to post comments regarding Blog posts. It's easy, give it a try.

In the event nobody posts and I realize I'm the only one who reads this Blog, I'll be forced to make my own comments.

• posted by Dave at 2:42 PM
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ANYONE SEE SNOWBALL?

They're faced with BIG problems in Santa Fe.

• posted by Dave at 10:00 PM
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IT'S TIME TO...

Start eating healthy.

• posted by Dave at 9:57 PM
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SESAME STREET SURPRISE

This morning, I woke up and turned on my television before getting a shower. It was the greatest start to a morning ever because James Gandolfini, better known as Tony Soprano, was on Sesame Street.

From what I saw, the little monster known as "Zoe" asked Tony what scared him. Naturally, Tony replied with, "Giant talking vegetables - but that's ok, because I've never seen one of those."

Sure enough, a giant talking vegetable puppet ran across screen. Tony went crazy and had to hide behind Zoe. Then Zoe gave Tony a long hug and asked if that made him feel better.

Tony, calming himself down, took a deep breath, and quickly formed a smile saying, "You know what, I actually do."

One of the greatest and most touching television moments ever.

• posted by Dave at 1:03 AM
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DOCTORS APPOINTMENT

I've been sick for quite some time now, about 4 weeks. So, today I finally went to the doctors.

Just to update everyone, nothing has changed with doctors visits. The appointment can be broken down into the following percentages:

Actual time spent waiting: 95%
Actual time with a doctor: 5%

Furthermore, the magazine selection was particularly poor, but the doctor gave me strong drugs, so I'm not complaining.

• posted by Dave at 12:54 AM
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AIRPORT SECURITY UPDATE

People are trying very hard to make a difference.

• posted by Dave at 11:22 PM
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HE'S RICK JAMES

Chappelle's Show was right. Rick James really is one of the baddest "mofo's" of all-time.

• posted by Dave at 5:31 PM
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HAVE A BABY OR ADOPT...

Just please don't walk your dogs while they are in a STROLLER like I saw on Grandview Ave. today.

Thank you.

• posted by Dave at 6:12 PM
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WHY I LOVE COLLEGE NEWSPAPERS

Because they tackle the important issues.

• posted by Dave at 3:41 PM
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HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY

Johnny at the Door
words and music by Marc Gunn

Johnny awoke with an ache in his head.
Bad dreams had made him ill.
And he grumbled as he dressed despite his duress
As he made his way to the mill.
Well he never wanted to work that day,
But the foreman had himself clear.
So Johnny dreamed of the eve to come
When he'd drink him beer after beer, singing...

"I'll drink from dusk till dawn
I'll drink a toast to day's end.
Yes, I'll drink from dusk till dawn
And I'll drink to the health of me friends."

It was a cold morning, went straight to his bones
Oh, he wished that he had him some ale.
Just one fine glass of stout Guiness
Would hold him till the end of the trail.
Oh his mouth watered with the thought of ale
By the time he arrived he'd decide
That not even Death could keep him away
From his friends and their favorite dive. They'd sing...

Johnny worked hard all the day
His mind away drinking alone
And he told his friends of the pledge he'd made
And the fantasy that kept him afloat.
"Come hell or high water I'll drink with you
Nothing could keep me away."
When the day came to end, he left with a friend. Together they walked and they sang...

On the road they came to a bridge of rope
And there they met a man
With a scythe in his hand and an evil grin
Twas Old Death who cut Johnny down.
Johnny's friend crossed himself, swore it'was the truth
As he retold the scene to the bar
And they raised a glass to Johnny's last words,
"I'll drink with ye come hell or high water!" He said...

Well the door swung open, a cold wind blew in
And there stood a man unafraid.
He called for a beer. They realized when near
It was Johnny come back from the grave.
He said, "You could keep me away from work.
For there's nothing I live for me there.
But I told you today of the pledge I made
You can't keep a man from his beer! They sang...

• posted by Dave at 1:21 PM
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BACK FROM CANCUN

Spring Break is over and depression has sunk in. It's tough to go from a lifestyle of free drinks all day and night and partying in a world famous club that would play the song Tipsy by J-Kwon an average of 32 times a night, to sitting on a computer updating a Weblog.

This week's column is scheduled to be on Spring Break. Again, you're invited to talk about your Spring Break by clicking here.

• posted by Dave at 1:35 PM
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SPRING BREAK 2004

I'll leave for the airport in a half hour and my Spring Break 2004 will officially begin.

Destination: Cancun.
Legal drinking age: 18.
Result from drinking water: death.

There will be no Blog updates for the next week. Talk about your Spring Break by clicking here.

• posted by Dave at 4:35 AM
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AND THE MOTHER OF THE YEAR AWAY GOES TO...

Patricia M. Johnson for getting her son and his friends drunk and then stripping for them.

• posted by Dave at 12:39 AM
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ROD STEWART

Tonight my family went to a Rod Stewart concert for my Mother's birthday (which is on Sunday so send her flowers). Many of you college types are probably thinking, "Ha! Rod Stewart? He's not cool!"

But in all seriousness, Rod Stewart is sweet. You'd be surprised how many hits he has (Forever Young, Hot Legs, You Wear It Well, Maggie May, You're In My Heart, etc.), I recognized every song but one. Another cool thing about Rod is that the chicks love him. Chicks of all shapes and sizes. From extremely obese girls in their 30s, to hot girls having a mid-life crisis in their 40s, to older couples that probably first made out while listening to Rod, to girls my age.

Sidenote: A drunk girl, who made the show even more enjoyable, managed to fall down an entire flight of steps TWICE inside the Mellon Arena. She was a trooper, playing it off like she didn't just fall down an entire flight of concrete steps.

So the moral of the story is: wear tight pants, colorful shirts, and sing a bunch of great songs, and the ladies will still want you when you're 59.

For more info on Rod: click here.

• posted by Dave at 12:33 AM
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