Monday, August 30, 2004

THIS MONKEY

Needs to get involved in some monkey business.

• posted by Dave at 3:51 PM
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PARTY LIKE THE ELEPHANTS

This morning, I watched the Republican National Convention coverage on Fox News. Boy, those republicans sure know how to "get down" and party! The big piece of news while I briefly watched the coverage was the appearance of boxing promoter Don King on the convention floor. When a person like Don King is backing a candidate, you know to vote for any candidate except for them.

Tonight on CNN, Larry King Live! from Madison Square Garden. Let's get crazy!

• posted by Dave at 3:44 PM
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EAT MY ARM

Regular readers of my column probably have asked, "Dave, of all the topics you have covered, when can you get to the good stuff and talk about your experience with Cotton Candy?"

Well, a topic such as that is not what the "average" reader wants to read about. However, readers of this Blog are by no means "average" and are deserving of this EXCLUSIVE look at my experience with cotton candy. This will be the highlight of your day!!!!

So, since you asked, I'll mention that this past weekend, the biggest workday of the summer occurred at the Country Club I work at. It featured a D.J., a Spiderman show, a band on top of a roof, palm readers, and most importantly of all, a cotton candy machine. For part of the day I was in charge of making the cotton candy. Here is how the process works:

A large circular bin spits out very fine molecules of pink or blue cotton candy. As this happens you take a cone-like stick and spin it around the circle, until enough cotton candy is attached to the stick that the child it is for will leave me alone.

The biggest problem was, the children kept coming and the cotton candy continueed to spew. At times it would produce faster than I could make the cotton candy sticks because, for the most part, the candy wasn't ending up on the stick, it was attaching to:

1. My hair.
2. My face.
3. My arm.

The last of which was the big one because I feared that a large, hungry child, would grow impatient in line and attempt to bite into my body.

To get the desired color you have to pour either pink or blue mix into the middle of the machine. If I had just poured in a large amount of pink, the next person in line would ALWAYS say that they wanted blue. Then I would spin 10-15 servings of pink cotton candy, until I looked like the Pink Panther and the blue was ready. Then, the next person in line would want pink and I would spin blue until I looked like a Smurf (but with bigger muscles).

And there you have it, 347 words on my experience with Cotton Candy. I can't figure out why more people don't visit this Web site.

• posted by Dave at 2:32 AM
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LIKE PORN?

Then the canadian border service is the perfect job for you.

• posted by Dave at 10:19 AM
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FIRST DAY OF CLASSES

Another school year is underway and Blog updates will hopefully return to being frequent. For those of you who constantly looked at this Blog for updates over the summer, perhaps you need to start visiting a more professional Web site.

If you ever want be an interact with the blog you can do so by e-mailing me unique questions about life that you might want to talk about or interesting Web sites or articles or by clicking on the comment button underneath each post.

The type of topic you might want me and others to address could be something like:

On the first day of classes whenever your schedule tells you to be in one building and then there is a sign that says the class was moved to another building across campus, should the teacher be sentenced to the death penalty?

My posting might be eratic this week because I have no internet in my apartment yet, but I'll find other ways to check in. If I don't, maybe you'll have a better time here.

• posted by Dave at 4:42 PM
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