Thursday, April 28, 2005

FINAL, FINAL

Today I took the Final, Final of my life. The test was an essay format that I completed in two hours and fifteen minutes. This was nearly two hours longer than the time I spent actually studying for the test.

So today's motto is: "Just so I get the credits."

• posted by Dave at 5:22 PM
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DAVE BARRY



Basketball fans wish they could have seen Michael Jordan in person, the same way baseball fans feel about Babe Ruth. For humor columnists, the person they aspire to see is Dave Barry. Last night, I got my chance. A day later, I am still acting like a little school girl.

Barry, who is a Pulitzer Prize Winning columnist, spoke to a sold out crowd last night as part of the Pittsburgh Speakers Series sponsored by Robert Morris University.

It's a really great story how I got my ticket. To obtain a ticket you needed to buy a rather expensive ticket package for the entire series, but my sister e-mailed an employee of Human Services at Robert Morris about my problem. The man was nice enough to send us two free tickets a few days later. There is nothing like a stranger going out of their way to help someone.

The Speakers Series featured famous writers like Henry Kissinger and Mary Higgins Clark. Barry joked that with him being the final speaker, the series worked down the intellectual food chain.

It is a very surreal feeling to see someone you idolize in person. This is especially true in the case of Barry as I have read his books and columns for years but only saw him in small doses on rare television interviews. For a while I thought he was actually a robot created by The Miami Herald.

So in conclusion to this small piece that I wanted to document on the site, we take these two lessons.

1. It's good to have someone you can idolize in your career field.
2. Doing nice things for other people can make a huge impact.
3. It's a good thing I did not personally speak with Dave Barry or he might have placed a restraining order against me.

Check out Dave Barry's website: www.davebarry.com.

Read a recent Q&A, here.

• posted by Dave at 4:26 PM
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TODAY'S THE DAY

New Bruce Springsteen, Devils & Dust.

• posted by Dave at 7:14 PM
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PIRATES SHUT OUT ASTROS



I'm not sure what will come first, the Pirates winning the World Series or the return of Jesus. However, a PACKED PNC Park was confident last night.

• posted by Dave at 1:28 PM
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DAILY QUOTE

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit
has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live
long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.

Emily Carr
(1871-1945, Canadian artist)

To join a good daily quote mailing list, click here.

• posted by Dave at 5:56 PM
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GOOD NEWS FOR LESBIANS WHO LIKE TO KISS IN RESTAURANTS

If you get kicked out, you might even win large sums of money.

• posted by Dave at 4:01 PM
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POLL RESULTS: You Choose...

1. Liquor before beer - 24%
2. Just beer - 21%
3. Soft drinks - 13%
4. Just liquor - 11%
5. Bottle of Jack - 11%
6. Yoo-hoo - 11%
7. Beer before liquor - 10%

A new poll is now online, vote now.

• posted by Dave at 3:48 PM
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WVU

I have returned from an eventful weekend of journalism at West Virginia University, highlighted by the free beer served at a cocktail party Friday night.

If all journalism functions have the same treatment, I feel much better about declaring this as my major.

• posted by Dave at 10:59 PM
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WEEKEND EVENTS

Yesterday was my final day of classes ever, which was rather anti-climatic. To celebrate I went to Shale's Cafe in the afternoon for a liter of beer. While there, a woman knocked on the door of the bar, couldn't open the door and had to be lifted in by a man drinking at the bar. She was probably homeless. The bartender gave her a free Pepsi and asked her to leave. In addition she was carrying a gas can, an item she claims to collect. Shortly thereafter she left firetruck went by. Hmmm.

Shortly, I am leaving for a weekend trip to West Virginia University for a journalism conference with The Duquesne Duke staff. Tonight apparently we are going to party with WVU's newspaper staff. How wild and crazy does that sound!? P Diddy will probably be there.

• posted by Dave at 3:56 PM
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DUQUESNE UNIVERSITY POLICE BRIEFS

Published in today's edition of The Duquesne Duke.

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By David Jakielo
The Duquesne Duke

Spring Fever has arrived at Duquesne University and members of the student body are hitting the sauce.

Six incidents of underage drinking occurred recently on campus.

Two cases featured subjects under the age of 21 and drunk on Vickroy Street. While one individual was observed merely staggering while walking, another took their drinking far more seriously. This person was not just staggering, but also had slurred speech, glossy and bloodshot eyes. Hollar!

Another incident occurred on Stevenson Street when a girl, under the age of 21, became intoxicated and could not walk. Transported to Mercy Hospital's emergency room, where she received medical treatment.

A different minor was able to walk but had issues with vomiting. They did this in of the Towers Living/Learning Center. This was because of alcohol and not Towers front Dinner.

In a different case, a subject took the term "Drunk Bus" literally. Port Authority Police cited him for being disorderly on a Port Authority bus.

To close out a week of boozing, two minors on Magee Street were not studying or reading but caught sleeping and urinating.

In other news, Police Briefs is sad to report that Mo Mozuch, our distinguished Editor-In-Chief, was in the hospital this week to have his appendix removed. Mo gave the appendix a name at the encouragement of his roommate "We were watching television in the [waiting] room and the news was on," Mo said. "Dave Wannstedt came on and I decided that a good name for my appendix would be Wannstedt The Appendix because it would probably have that mustache." – Thank God Mo will be back next week.

• posted by Dave at 3:54 AM
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THE WEEK IN REVIEW

Here is what I have been up to this week, which has kept me from posting:

On Monday I spent all day placing my new design of The Duquesne Duke website online. The new version can be viewed at www.digitalduke.duq.edu.

The remainder of the week was dedicated to a large research paper I had to write on Joseph Mitchell, who is a great writer that wrote many interesting articles inspired from being at the bar. To learn more about his book click here.

I ended up reading article after article that Mitchell wrote (enjoying every one of them) and researching his life story most of Tuesday. Then, Tuesday night I began the paper (which was due Wednesday night) and finished it at 6:30 a.m. Dead tired and with the thought in my mind that a column I had not started was due, I went to bed. Around 10:30 a.m. I was awoken by a text message on my cell phone. The message prompted me to check my e-mail where I saw that, near 8 a.m., the morning the paper was due, my teacher sent out a message saying their was an extension and the paper wasn't due until Monday. That put me in a really chipper mood! So I slept another hour and then got up to write this week's humor column.

• posted by Dave at 3:42 AM
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PIC OF THE DAY



"Still Safer Here Than At Michael Jackson's"

(Sent in by my Dad)

• posted by Dave at 6:41 PM
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CLARIFICATION

What height would you say defines a man as "short?"

• posted by Dave at 6:33 PM
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STEELERS SCHEDULE ANNOUNCED

Three Monday night games and a Sunday night game.

• posted by Dave at 5:11 PM
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I.C. LIGHT ALUMINUM BOTTLES

I've been meaning to mention this exciting news.

It's probably one of the best things that ever happened to me.

• posted by Dave at 3:13 PM
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DUH!

It's not the fault of people who are overweight that they are obsese, obviously the Cookie Monster is to blame.

• posted by Dave at 5:09 PM
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MOVIE REVIEW: "YOU GOT SERVED"

Last night I watched "You Got Served" an epic movie with "crews" dancing against each other that contains profound dialogue such as, "Liyah go home and stop acting like a ho!" What I learned is that you should never watch this movie before going out for a night of drinking because you'll probably try to do a handstand in public.

• posted by Dave at 6:28 PM
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BIRTHDAY

Today is my 22nd birthday, if anybody needs me I will be at McArdle's Pub on 16th Street in South Side.

See you there.

• posted by Dave at 4:27 PM
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STD UPDATES

"A new study suggests 50 percent of sexually active young people will contract a sexually transmitted disease by the time they're 25."

Good work everyone!

Full Article

Also, Michael Vick has herpes.

• posted by Dave at 4:22 PM
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PUT A SOCK ON IT

Why is it that people who wear sandals feel they have the right to take their footwear off in public places like classrooms and flop their naked feet across the ground, chair, etc.?

This is a warning that if I see someone do this and rub their feet together that I will kick them in the shin.

Thank you.

• posted by Dave at 3:53 PM
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OPENING DAY



Questions after today's 9-2 Pittsburgh Pirates loss:

1. Does this mean we aren't going to win the World Series this year?

2. Why do people have a fascination at sporting events to call people they know at the game and spend 10-15 minutes explaining where they are seated, determined that their friend will see them from the other side of the stadium? Also, why do they make obscure references to help point out where they are located, "The beer man is walking past me!" or "I have on a white shirt!"?

3. Why did a man get out of his car on the ramp leading to the West End Bridge and urinate?

4. More importantly, why did a driver of a Get Go truck honk while passing by The Urinator?

• posted by Dave at 7:39 PM
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POPE JOHN PAUL II

Special Edition of The Duquesne Duke: 1-3 | 4-5 | 6-8

• posted by Dave at 7:02 AM
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GUYS WHO TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF AS THEY PRETEND THAT THEY ARE GOING TO FIGHT BUT NEVER ACTUALLY THROW A PUNCH

Lame-O? Post your thoughts in the comment section below this post.

• posted by Dave at 4:48 AM
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INDICATION THAT A PERSON IS HAVING A BAD DAY

They step in this.

• posted by Dave at 3:59 PM
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