Wednesday, May 25, 2005

HOLY BATHING SUIT SEASON

If you do not want to be one of those people at the beach this summer who wears a speedo or bikini but are actually the size of a adult whale then you definitely need to diet. How? Just ask yourself: What Would Jesus Do?

• posted by Dave at 12:26 AM
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NEWS REGARDING "THE SOPRANOS"

For those who did not come across this...

News about the show has finally leaked out regarding the underlying theme of the 6th season. As the old saying goes, everybody has a price.

• posted by Dave at 12:23 AM
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RETURN TO THE GLADIATOR DAYS

Lion Mutilates 42 Midgets in Cambodian Ring-Fight.

• posted by Dave at 4:46 PM
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NEW TO THE LINKS PAGE

Check out JesseJoyce.com, the Internet home of a great stand-up comic who is a Pittsburgh native and now works out of New York City.

• posted by Dave at 4:46 PM
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INTERNET PORN IN DOWNWARD SPIRAL

See for yourself.

• posted by Dave at 2:43 PM
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VELVET REVOLVER

Wednesday night I attended the Velvet Revolver concert in Pittsburgh. Velvet Revolver is one of my favorite bands with Guns N' Roses meeting Stone Temple Pilots.

Prior to the concert I did enough drinking that when the show started I thought crowd surfing would be a good idea. I've always been against mosh pits, as is my stance on any activity that involves large men hitting me with their elbows. But crowd surfing seemed like a good experience and I wanted to see if it was as much fun as people claim it to be.

I was thrusted into the air and remember being tossed through the crowd. Then suddenly I was projected over a barrier and fell directly onto my knee in front of the stage. Quickly security grabbed me and using superior security tactics...wrote a line on my hand with black marker.

Days later, I am still limping. So basically, crowd surfing is a real blast and the concert was awesome.

Reviews of the show.

• posted by Dave at 2:30 PM
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AND THE POST-GRADUATION FUN CONTINUES

BEFORE


AFTER

• posted by Dave at 2:28 PM
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SUMMER PROJECT 2005

Every year after school is over I like to assign myself an outdoor project. This not only gives me a chance to reflect on life and make a positive difference in the world but also provides neighbors with the opportunity to see me topless.

This year's project was an attempt to fix my friend Pat's yard on South Side. As you know, your typical yard is supposed to be a freshly mowed lawn. Pat's lawn, on the other hand, resembled the set of "Honey I Shrunk The Kids."

So, to illustrate how I am a huge loser pretty sweet, here are Before and After pictures...

BEFORE


Gross!


Yard Etiquette Rule #18: Grass should not cover deck steps.


Weeds that are the height of a person's chin is a common sign that there is a problem.

AFTER


Wow!


Whatever man made a difference this significant must have a pretty big weedwhacker!


This photo of the steps should be featured on HGTV.

• posted by Dave at 2:16 PM
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IF YOU'RE INTO STORIES ABOUT 12-YEAR-OLDS THAT DON'T AGE, THEN YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY CHECK OUT

This story.

• posted by Dave at 1:33 PM
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GUILTY AS CHARGED

Nothing like being fined for "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".

• posted by Dave at 7:37 PM
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CONGRATULATIONS

Congratulations to everyone who graduated from Duquesne over the weekend.

Commencement was a really special event, although I'm pretty sure mine is still going on with someone giving a speech about the meaning of life.

• posted by Dave at 7:31 PM
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TODAY'S EXCUSE TO DRINK

On this day in 1862 a Mexican army defeated a French army. This is clearly a reason to get drunk even though there is about 5 Mexicans who live in Pittsburgh.

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone.

• posted by Dave at 6:28 PM
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IMPORTANT DIALOGUE FROM 5 A.M. FULL HOUSE EPISODE

Jesse and Rebecca, in an argument about how Jesse hates horseback riding and Rebecca hates Jesse's obsession with music...

Jesse: When was the last time Mr. Ed played in front of 50,000 people?

Rebecca: When was the last time Guns N' Roses won the Kentucky Derby?

• posted by Dave at 2:55 PM
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SHE NEEDS TO DITCH MARC ANTHONY

So I can be the First Man.

• posted by Dave at 3:40 PM
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NEW MEANING TO CELL PHONE LINGO

"I'm blowing up."

• posted by Dave at 12:49 PM
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