"College on the Rocks" by David Jakielo | A Collection of Humor Columns

THE FRESHMAN OBSERVER
• The Name of the Game

SOPHOMORIC HUMOR
• Classin' or Clubbin'
• Dumb People Make for a “Blockbuster” of a Good Time
• How 'Hooked Up' is Your Ride?
• Can You Tell Me How I Got Back to Sesame Street?
• Hell on Wheels

JUNIOR JOCULARITY
• Before Reality, There is the First Week of School
• Over The Hill and then Some
• O' Canada! We Play Our Harmonicas to Thee
• Making the Magic Happen
• Recycling: Not Just for Old Jokes
• A Trip Down Memory Lane with Mr. Martini
• The Caucuses are Coming
• Put Your Cell Phone on Silent
• Read This Since Studying is Overrated
• Jolly Old St. Dave
• Mother Nature is a Hussy
• Frat Boys are People Too
• Hola, I Don't Speak Spanish
• Volcano Style Biking
• Dave Gone Wild
• The Doctor is In
• Not Dave's Best Friend
• Slacker and the City

SENIOR SYMPOSIUM
• Orientation Drug-Free
• Go for the Gold or Go Up in Flames
• An Insiders Look into Creating a Newspaper
• Dave Does Vegas
• America: Land of the Free, Home of the Undecided
• A Hairy Situation
• On the Prowl for Love
• I'm Too Sexy for this Column
• A Magical New Year
• Disney World Distractions (Part II)
• "Plagiarism." Humor Column. The Duquesne Duke 10 Feb. 2005: 4-5.
• The Secret to Success . . . or At Least Steady Employment
• Open Wide
• Dave Weighs in on Extreme Championship Wrestling
• A Journey Through My (Sometimes) Educational Career
• A-Walking Down Duquesne's Memory Lane

EXCERPT

Before reality, there is the first week of school
BY DAVID JAKIELO

Another school year is underway and the mood is generally good. People are happy to see each other, the weather is nice, students are actually showing up for class, and as of press time, there have been no reported outbreaks of herpes. However, this will all change shortly.

For starters, you probably noticed girls hugging each other all week on Academic Walk. The dialogue to this scene generally goes as follows:

Student #1: OH MY GOSH! (Hug) It's so good to see you again. You look great! How was your summer?!

Student #2 (who has put on 15 - 20 pounds and has a bad haircut) will sum up her entire summer in one word, "great" (this is almost always a lie). Then the two will smile and say goodbye while checking out the other girl to see whose outfit is cuter.

To purchase "College on the Rocks" and read this entire column, click here.