"College on the Rocks" by David Jakielo | A Collection of Humor Columns

THE FRESHMAN OBSERVER
• The Name of the Game

SOPHOMORIC HUMOR
• Classin' or Clubbin'
• Dumb People Make for a “Blockbuster” of a Good Time
• How 'Hooked Up' is Your Ride?
• Can You Tell Me How I Got Back to Sesame Street?
• Hell on Wheels

JUNIOR JOCULARITY
• Before Reality, There is the First Week of School
• Over The Hill and then Some
• O' Canada! We Play Our Harmonicas to Thee
• Making the Magic Happen
• Recycling: Not Just for Old Jokes
• A Trip Down Memory Lane with Mr. Martini
• The Caucuses are Coming
• Put Your Cell Phone on Silent
• Read This Since Studying is Overrated
• Jolly Old St. Dave
• Mother Nature is a Hussy
• Frat Boys are People Too
• Hola, I Don't Speak Spanish
• Volcano Style Biking
• Dave Gone Wild
• The Doctor is In
• Not Dave's Best Friend
• Slacker and the City

SENIOR SYMPOSIUM
• Orientation Drug-Free
• Go for the Gold or Go Up in Flames
• An Insiders Look into Creating a Newspaper
• Dave Does Vegas
• America: Land of the Free, Home of the Undecided
• A Hairy Situation
• On the Prowl for Love
• I'm Too Sexy for this Column
• A Magical New Year
• Disney World Distractions (Part II)
• "Plagiarism." Humor Column. The Duquesne Duke 10 Feb. 2005: 4-5.
• The Secret to Success . . . or At Least Steady Employment
• Open Wide
• Dave Weighs in on Extreme Championship Wrestling
• A Journey Through My (Sometimes) Educational Career
• A-Walking Down Duquesne's Memory Lane

EXCERPT

Jolly old St. Dave
BY DAVID JAKIELO

Do you remember when you realized there isn't a Santa Claus? I do. It was three years ago on Christmas Day when my father opened up a present that contained a Santa suit.

"Why the hell did Santa give you THAT?" I yelled. After a long talk with my parents, I stopped crying around New Year’s Day.

Every Christmas since then my dad has continued the tradition of Santa Claus by visiting the little children we know. He also gets hired to be Santa (to my knowledge he has never stripped out of the costume at a bachlorette party). One of his yearly stops is an area dance studio. But, in the weeks leading up to this past Christmas he suddenly was needed for business meetings in India, which interfered with a prior commitment he made to be Santa at the studio.

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