"College on the Rocks" by David Jakielo | A Collection of Humor Columns

THE FRESHMAN OBSERVER
• The Name of the Game

SOPHOMORIC HUMOR
• Classin' or Clubbin'
• Dumb People Make for a “Blockbuster” of a Good Time
• How 'Hooked Up' is Your Ride?
• Can You Tell Me How I Got Back to Sesame Street?
• Hell on Wheels

JUNIOR JOCULARITY
• Before Reality, There is the First Week of School
• Over The Hill and then Some
• O' Canada! We Play Our Harmonicas to Thee
• Making the Magic Happen
• Recycling: Not Just for Old Jokes
• A Trip Down Memory Lane with Mr. Martini
• The Caucuses are Coming
• Put Your Cell Phone on Silent
• Read This Since Studying is Overrated
• Jolly Old St. Dave
• Mother Nature is a Hussy
• Frat Boys are People Too
• Hola, I Don't Speak Spanish
• Volcano Style Biking
• Dave Gone Wild
• The Doctor is In
• Not Dave's Best Friend
• Slacker and the City

SENIOR SYMPOSIUM
• Orientation Drug-Free
• Go for the Gold or Go Up in Flames
• An Insiders Look into Creating a Newspaper
• Dave Does Vegas
• America: Land of the Free, Home of the Undecided
• A Hairy Situation
• On the Prowl for Love
• I'm Too Sexy for this Column
• A Magical New Year
• Disney World Distractions (Part II)
• "Plagiarism." Humor Column. The Duquesne Duke 10 Feb. 2005: 4-5.
• The Secret to Success . . . or At Least Steady Employment
• Open Wide
• Dave Weighs in on Extreme Championship Wrestling
• A Journey Through My (Sometimes) Educational Career
• A-Walking Down Duquesne's Memory Lane

EXCERPT

Slacker and the City
BY DAVID JAKIELO

When it comes to work ethic, students fall into two categories:

Time Managers: Mature, responsible students that understand how working extremely hard throughout college to attain an exceptionally high GPA could possibly lead them to a lifetime of success and fortune. Their discipline is so extreme that they not only attend class but also arrive on time and actually stay awake during the entire lecture. Students in this category eventually become pharmacists, lawyers and most unfortunately, college professors that ask to be referred to as "doctors" even though they are not. You excel in time management if you have ever said, "Party?! How can I party when I have a paper due in two weeks and haven't even compiled a works cited page that meets MLA standards?!"

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