"College on the Rocks" by David Jakielo | A Collection of Humor Columns

THE FRESHMAN OBSERVER
• The Name of the Game

SOPHOMORIC HUMOR
• Classin' or Clubbin'
• Dumb People Make for a “Blockbuster” of a Good Time
• How 'Hooked Up' is Your Ride?
• Can You Tell Me How I Got Back to Sesame Street?
• Hell on Wheels

JUNIOR JOCULARITY
• Before Reality, There is the First Week of School
• Over The Hill and then Some
• O' Canada! We Play Our Harmonicas to Thee
• Making the Magic Happen
• Recycling: Not Just for Old Jokes
• A Trip Down Memory Lane with Mr. Martini
• The Caucuses are Coming
• Put Your Cell Phone on Silent
• Read This Since Studying is Overrated
• Jolly Old St. Dave
• Mother Nature is a Hussy
• Frat Boys are People Too
• Hola, I Don't Speak Spanish
• Volcano Style Biking
• Dave Gone Wild
• The Doctor is In
• Not Dave's Best Friend
• Slacker and the City

SENIOR SYMPOSIUM
• Orientation Drug-Free
• Go for the Gold or Go Up in Flames
• An Insiders Look into Creating a Newspaper
• Dave Does Vegas
• America: Land of the Free, Home of the Undecided
• A Hairy Situation
• On the Prowl for Love
• I'm Too Sexy for this Column
• A Magical New Year
• Disney World Distractions (Part II)
• "Plagiarism." Humor Column. The Duquesne Duke 10 Feb. 2005: 4-5.
• The Secret to Success . . . or At Least Steady Employment
• Open Wide
• Dave Weighs in on Extreme Championship Wrestling
• A Journey Through My (Sometimes) Educational Career
• A-Walking Down Duquesne's Memory Lane

EXCERPT

Go for the gold, or go up in flames
BY DAVID JAKIELO

The 2004 Summer Olympics was truly magical, as is any event where a person’s lifelong dream is crushed on worldwide television, due to losing by half-a-millisecond or because their urine test, on the way to the laboratory, spontaneously combusted.

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