Tuesday, July 19, 2005

BUTT BLASTER AND FEMALE SPLITS

Today at the gym I tried a new machine called "The Butt Blaster." I've only seen the machine used once and in that instance it was an attractive girl with a very good body. Curious, I checked out the machine today and noticed how "The Butt Blaster" was etched into the machine numerous times. I decided I had to try it out.

Basically, it's a machine where you lay on your stomach, grip two handles and with one knee planted, you extend the other leg in an upwards motion to lift the weight.

While the machine provided a great workout, I fear it was a girl-only machine. I would imagine must dudes don't even worry about their ass. In addition, most gym machines have a posted note with directions and a drawing of someone to illustrate how to use the machine. Generally, the drawing is of a bald headed man with a chiseled body but wearing no underwear and having no penis. Anyway, the picture on this machine was of a woman with breasts, wearing female clothing, and she even had a ponytail.

Do you think this is a chick-only machine? Even so, should I continue to use it? What is more important to chicks, a smart ass or a hard one?

Furthermore, in the back room, a ridiculously attractive girl was doing her ab workout in the same room as me. As I contemplated lying by yelling out, "998, 999, 1,000!" and mentioning to her that I just did 1,000 crunches (taking a page out of Ron Burgandy's book in Anchorman), another man approached her. The two seemed to know each other and both seemed to be attracted to one another.

The best part was, when he showed up, she immediately stopped working on her abs. She told him, "I'm just back here stretching," which seemed like an odd thing to do in the middle of an ab workout. Her stretching consisted of insane splits. If I was a hot chick and wanted a dude, I would pull stuff like that all the time.

• posted by Dave at 5:29 PM
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